Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Surgeon General

The Surgeon General is largely a ceremonial position with actual oversight of an important, but small agency. Most Americans are aware of the Surgeon General's office because of warning labels on Cigar, Cigarette, and (various) Alcohol products. The only Surgeon Generals to achieve notoriety for something different than warning labels were C. Everett Koop (an anti-abortion doctor who stood against the tendencies of the Reagan administration during the AIDS epidemic) and Jocelyn Elders (who made some ill-advised comments about masturbation and sex ed).

I started thinking about Surgeon General Warning Labels and wondered if the next Surgeon General... admit it, Surgeon General is a cool kick-ass title... should come out with a new, improved, extended line of labels.

"No Fat" food:
Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that eating this product will not cause you to magically lose weight, nor does it taste any better the second or third time you try it.

Bottled Water:
Warning: The Surgeon General has found that bottled water products do not provide any health advantages over drinking tap water.

Video Game Consoles:
Warning: In addition to wasting considerable amounts of your time and increasing your risk for repetitive motion disorders, the Surgeon General has found that this video game console will be obsolete in three years.

I wonder what other warning labels one could come up with...

(n.b.: I am a video game addict and have been known to drink bottled water. I detest 'no fat' food. Also I think the 'low carb' and the 'no carb' diets are unhealthy scams, but that is just my opinion.)